Running really is about more than just running

Again today I got up to run solely because I knew it would not be 90-degrees at 6am. In a few days it might just be that hot that early. Somehow I didn’t realize my alarm had gone off until 30 minutes after the fact so again I could have ditched out of the run. But, I decided in the end to get 3 miles under my belt and try to keep this running thing alive as long as possible before I get sucked into the oppression of the heat.

Of course, the moment you’re out there running you know you made the right decision. It’s beautiful and one less thing on my mind the rest of the day. I was surprised at how good I felt. I mean there was the rocky start of trying to find my groove but by the time I passed the park I was pretty happy with my pace and feel. The funny thing I noticed on the route this morning is that there seemed to be a lot of people out either running or walking. At one point I honestly started to feel like I was on a parade route! Saying Hi and waving to fellow morning movers. I found myself wandering to thoughts of Kristin Armstrong’s book Mile Markers and her thoughts on running and friends. As I headed into the last mile I see a runner stopping to stretch. It’s a friend I’ve known most of my life. Ok, really who she is is the cousin to my best friend since first grade. She lives in my neighborhood and her daughter is best friends with my current best friend’s daughter….. small world. I laughed and stopped and chatted with her for a few minutes. It was so funny to see her because I remember that she was a runner in high school. She looks just the same! Even in our few moments of conversation it was great to feel that connection as moms and runners and friends.

Stopping and chatting sort of threw off my groove a little but it was worth it. For a moment I felt like I was living in Armstrong’s book and it just reaffirmed for me that I’m doing what I love to do and I’m really not alone. Running serves so many purposes. Obviously health and fitness, but also friendship and space and mental well being. Some days I love to run alone. I love the time to work something out in my head or just be silent in my head. Other days it’s the only way I can talk to my friend with out a baby doing something dangerous or destructive demanding my attention. If I’m running I feel less guilty about taking time for myself and my friendships. I really never would have guessed I would have come to this place with running. I’m happy I did.

Commiting to Tinkerbell!

Yeah! I did it! I committed to running the Tinkerbell Half Marathon! I'm so super excited about this! It's so awesome on so many levels! (ok that's a lot of exclamation points and a lot of high school sounding pharsing.)

Honestly though it's is amazing! I love that the race is the day after my daughter's second birthday and days before Spencer's birthday and just a mear 18 days before my birthday----- so HAPPY BIRTHDAY YB'S!!! And, unless my sister completes a half marathon before January it will be her first half marathon ever. This is a girl that used to break out in a rash when she ran outside. seriously. It will be beyond words to run this with her. (ok, if you know anything about my sister you also know that I am sort of setting us up for some crazy freak disaster to set in but we'll be in the Happiest Place on Earth where customer/guest service is of the utmost importance (yes, I used to work for the cult.... and boy do I wish I still did right now!). The cast members will get us through any thing Holly's luck will bring us! ha!

It's odd though committing to this run. Odd on a financial and best use of resources level. We're a single income family so trips to Disneyland are not an every year occurance. Races haven't been either because of babies and whatnot but put together a race and a trip to Disneyland and we're talking serious cash when it's all tallied up. I am only really justifying the expence because it is near our birthdays, and it's the first Tinkerbell Half Marathon, and Holly's going to run it too, and because I've commited early. The money's gone. I won't see that race fee again. Thank you overtime and holiday pay. Next month the hotel room.

But I do wonder, was it the right move? Should I have used that money for 8-weeks of boot camp? I want to go to boot camp. Everyone is doing it. No joke, everyone I know is going to this boot camp. My husband just signed up for the year and is so stoked he can hardly contain himself. I want to join, but now I've signed up for the race. I feel like "I spent my workout money." It's for one day. Was it the best decision? Depends on perspective. I'm happy with the decision. I wish I could have both, but unless I play the Lotto tomorrow and win it would be irresponsible of me to sign up for 8 weeks of boot camp which would take me through the heat and give me plenty of time and strength to train for the half marathon.......... I haven't thought about this much, can you tell?

Either way I'm happy. There is a lot of potential for an amazing weekend! I really happy to have a goal on the horizon too!

Please and Thank You

Sometimes what I do really can't help but make me thankful for what I have.
My babies (even at 6-yrs old still "my baby") are beautiful and healthy. Thank you.
Please let me never take them or their health for granted.
Please give me the strength to love them as deeply and completely as they deserve. Don't hold back.
Thank you for allowing me to love them and know them and delight in them.
Please let me touch and feel and hold them until my last breath and beyond.

Nothing like a little work transferance to really bring home what's important.

I really wanted to pray tonight. I think I just did.

Amazing Morning Run - lessons learned

So Below is my long winded post about a regular morning run. I realized after I posted it in my online running group that I've never written so much about any run ever--- even my marathon! So I figure that maybe I should be putting it in my blog that I've abandoned and have been considering starting back up. So here it is. As of for the blog..... I don't know where it's going or what it'll really be about, but for me it's all about family, kids, and running, so it's likely to be about all those things.

59:20mins / miles 6.1
omg!!!! a gift from the running gods!
perfect weather, no time constraints (thank you summer vacation), and no watch.... I'll explain more after a shower and I get to work.

later: So I definitely have a cold. I'm not dying but the nose is getting runnier and the phlem is yellow and there's some coughing. So I could have easily stayed in bed. I wanted to stay in bed. but a peek out the window showed a cloud cover and the temperature prediction was only in the 70's for today ----- If you don't know the central valley in California you don't know what an amazing gift this is. usually it's 100 - degrees by now and running at even 5am is a bit miserable----- and then too I thought I don't feel awful now but what if I feel worse later this week and I really can't go out for a run or can't go to yoga tomorrow...... take advantage while you can. So I did. It was a little later than I would usually go but since school is out it really didn't matter, especially if the weather is cooperating. I held in my coughing fit and nose blowing until I was out the door and across the street as not to wake the natives in my house. I had a moment of wondering how this was going to go because I could feel the coating for phlem on my lungs. but honestly just being outside in the beautiful cloud covered slightly cool breezy morning was enough to make it all worth it. I was in love with the morning. So on my .25 walk I stretched and hatched up the inner lining of my lungs and really started to feel better. I had my 4.75mile route mapped out in my head. I even knew what I could do to add a mile to it if I really wanted too. no pressure though. Before I got to the corner I made the decision to take off my watch. I've been feeling alittle chained to my watch on my runs lately. Not really sure why but even just having it on was getting to me a bit. I've been thinking about running with out it for the last few runs so today I decided I would start it at the beginning of my route and leave it and pick it up on my way back. It was great! I immediately felt better, lighter, and was glad I'd know my time but not be obsessed with it. So, out I went. I route and weather was good. The lungs were good. The legs were good. not far into the run I was seriously considering extending the run. When I got out to the fields I looked longingly at them but didn't head out that far.... there was no way to change your mind once your out in the potatoe fields. This started me thinking about the difference between running outside and in the gym on a treadmill. Outside once you're out, you're out. There's no stopping and walking to the car just a few feet away. For me, even if I want to quit once I'm on the road, I keep going mostly because I know if I keep running I'll get home faster. running on the treadmill has always been mentally much tougher for me. (There's a chance I may be religated to a treadmill in the future but we'll see what comes.) I make the turn at 2.5 miles knowing that I can still complete the original route or I can make the turn in half a mile. I see the route in my mind and it is definitely the longer route. I feel good. No struggle, so let's do it. Somewhere after a few turns I start to see another alternative route form in my mind. I could just keep going straight and add a little more to this run....... I hit the intersection and I keep going straight!!!! I feel awesome! awesome that I chose to keep going! awesome that I have this much in me! In the last mile I try to start calculating the miles and I think I may have added a mile or at least a half a mile (that one street always throws off my calculations!). Without my watch I'm not sure of my pace. I know it's at least a 10 minute mile. It could be less but probably not by much, I settled in and didn't push too hard. (For half a mile there was a woman with a dog on the other side of the street and she passed me. I was a little bummed and thought "wow- I wonder what her pace is... not too much faster but fast enough to pass me...." I almost changed directions completely to follow her but that might be stalkerish and I need to run my own race.) When I picked up the watch it said less than an hour so either I ran way faster than it felt or my extention wasn't as long as I thought, but the milisecond of disappointment in my time vanished immediately because it was a beautiful run and I had more than a few moments where I knew that if I had the time and no one would worry about if I was kidnapped or not I could have ran for another hour without a problem. loved it. (obviously! look how much I wrote about it! )

So many lessons learned so early in the morning!

• talk yourself into something, not out of it.


• accept gifts, even if they are hard to accept. the reward it worth it.


• listen to your heart, don't fight your desires, lose the watch every once in a while.


• visualize


• give yourself options and take them!


• relish in your victory (even on a regular day morning run!)

Now if only I didn't have to go to work and I could have crawled back in bed for even 30 minutes then it would have been a fully mind blowing experience! ha!

From the mouth of babes

Remember that show "Kids say the darndest things"? Well, it's true. Spencer says the best stuff. Some of his past greats are dubbing a friend as "Private Wayne" which has stuck with all the "big boys" and while he was sleeping telling his dad, "Don't eat my sandwich Dad!" But from the moment he found out that I was pregnant he has said some things that just are fantastic! First he immediately knew where the baby was and put his hand on my belly and asked/stated there was a baby in my belly. He then proceeded to tell everyone within ear shot that there was a baby in my belly and implored them to touch my belly. (I made it through my pregnancy with Spencer with few unsolicited belly touches. This time they will be solicited by Spence!) It was cute and sweet. Later that same night he was eating chicken noodle soup which had little bits of carrots. He does not like carrots and has me eat them for him. While we are doing this he proceeds to tell me that he does not like carrots but "the baby does." And still that evening he put his hand to my lips, opened my mouth a bit and told me, "You need to spit that baby out." ---- The kid has such good delivery it's impossible not to laugh (at least when you hear it from him).

And over this weekend I had to remind him not to poke me in the stomach. He then decided to talk to my stomach and told me the baby was laughing and he put his ear to my stomach. He then started making funny noises and faces for the baby.

Later that morning he wanted to know if you can hug babies. I told him yes, but you had to be very careful and gentle. I also told him you had to ask the mommy's and daddy's first before you touch a baby --- I was honestly thinking more of our friends that have new borns and how he can get a little close. He walked right up to me and gave me a big, gentle hug and asked if that was too hard. It was the sweetest moment.

The kid is smart. He may not be a great listener or be able to sit still but he is smart and ridiculously sweet.

Let the Dreaming Begin

Last night I dreamt I delivered the baby in one push. This was a surprise to everyone, although I don't really know who "everyone" is. And, I seemed to have to convince people that I had had the baby. I remember being excited.

I rarely remember dreams or even that I've had them. So having this one seems to mark the beginning of the dreaming. When I was pregnant with Spencer did I dream more? I think so, but don't remember for certain. What does the dream mean? Confirming I'm pregnant, trying to dissolve any last bits of denial? Foretelling an easy delivery (optimistic view)? Foretelling a tragedy I've seen all too often at work (non-optimistic view)? Reminding me that babies are exciting and hearts of hearts are excited about having a little one around again? Whatever the meaning, the dreaming has begun.

little successes

I'm not going to pressure any of us for major full sweeping success. It's a set up for failure. So, I'm going to revel in the little steps it takes to get the big stuff. Last night Spence went to sleep in an instant (no nap will do it to ya). I got out of bed and watched TV and spent some time with the hubby like a grown up! and then as the night wound down the debate was on again. Where should I sleep? With my hubby like a grown married woman? Although he wasn't quite ready for bed and we both had plugged up noses which will likely lead to snoring...... OR crawl back into bed with Spencer where I know I will fall asleep with his goodness wrapped all around me? OR sleep by myself in the computer room--- learning to fall asleep on my own again, but not having to burden or deal with the hubby / snore factor?

What happened? I was so good the first three years of his life about not sleeping with him. Teaching independence and self soothing. Now we both have trouble falling asleep without each other. I know what happened: training for a marathon, working full time, and being a mom and a wife last summer had be exhausted by 8pm and falling asleep before Spence! Him waking me up telling me I'm snoring! Imagine! You're three year old saying, "Mama, you snoring." Mama replying, "I know, baby, go to sleep. Mama's tired." and there you have it. The habit of sleeping together has begun. And still reins supreme today.

Some say, enjoy it. This stage won't last forever. Others say watch out, this could last a LONG time. The truth is I love cuddling with him and sometimes it's the only really good quiet time I get with him, but I also want the adult stuff too, even if it's just watching TV or knitting, it doesn't have to be even "too adult". The other truth is I need to be the responsible parent and start preparing him for the possibility of a brother or sister. And, I can't sleep with him all big and pregnant. It just legistically would not work.

So, baby steps. Last night he fell asleep and I got some adult time. I ultimately decide to sleep in the computer room. Small steps people. If I went to bed with him at that point it would be for me and not for him. Be the responsible parent/adult. Of course he was up at 3am looking for me and found me. We went pee and back to his bed to sleep "lots and lots." I'm fine with this. This is for him not me.

Little successes.